


Nothing Else Matters

by SailorLestrade



Series: Nothing Else Matters [1]
Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, it does have a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-18 02:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18976612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLestrade/pseuds/SailorLestrade
Summary: Tommy feels like he's being left in the dust, that no one wants him. So when he decides to take matters into his own hands to prove his point, a hero comes to his rescue.





	Nothing Else Matters

**Author's Note:**

> It has been about 13 years since I wrote a Nikki/Tommy story. So this was all new to me. I really hope you guys like it!

It was a long weekend. Memorial Day was coming up. Vince was taking his boat out to the lake, Mick was going to see family a couple counties over, Nikki had plans to do fuck knows what. And Tommy? He had nothing. He had honestly hoped that one of the guys would offer him a pass to come with them, like they did at Christmas, but it wasn’t a big holiday so why would they care if he sat at home. He hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms with his parents for going on a year now, and there was no one in his life to spend the long weekend with.

So when Nikki, Vince, and Mick were talking about their plans early Friday afternoon, Tommy slipped out of the studio, alone.

“What about you T-Bone?” Nikki turned to where the drummer had been. “Tommy?”

“Where’d he go?” Mick asked.

“Asshole probably has a whole line of girls he wants to get through before Monday night.” Vince laughed. Nikki just nodded, but something felt off. He looked at the studio doors before he sighed and went back to talking with the other two.

****

Tommy placed the needle on the record as he tossed his bags from the store on the couch. The grocery had been pretty well picked over, with people wanting to get things to grill out and parties and all that good, All-American shit. Tommy stood in the kitchen of his apartment, listening to the music coming from the speakers. He braced himself against the counter. Everything had been rough. Yeah, they were making music and making money, and yeah they had fans and fame, but it wasn’t the same. Tommy felt like he was stuck behind while all three of the others were moving forward. He was stuck in ‘82 while they all got to move on.

And no one cared enough to look back and make sure he was all right.

“It’s okay. I’m the only one I need.” Tommy whispered before he made his way back to the bags, uncapping the first bottle of Jack for the weekend and taking a big swig.

****

Nikki woke up Saturday morning with nothing to do. All his things he had to do were later in the evening. He was meeting some friends for a jam session, just to have some fun. He had thought about inviting Tommy, but it probably wouldn’t have been his scene, so he just left the invite in the back of his head.

He went about his day like usual and headed over to meet up with his friends. They played around, doing different songs and mashing up things just for the hell of it. It was a fun evening, and the guys had given Nikki some good tips on places to go take pictures at. So that’s what he planned to do the next day after just relaxing around the house.

But as he went home, his mind started thinking back to Tommy. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with his best friend. He had grown more depressed with each day. Nikki was seeing less of Tommy when he looked at the younger drummer. He was morphing into something else.

He wasn’t the man that Nikki had fallen in love with.

“What am I thinking?” Nikki asked with a groan. “Tommy doesn’t love me. And I don’t love him.” He looked over at the phone, settled in its cradle on the end table. There were no messages, nothing ringing. Nikki thought about calling Tommy, asking him to grab a drink or something, but he shook his head. Tommy probably had plenty to do that didn’t involve him.

Nikki thought about going to get a shower, but something was telling him not to do it. Something was telling him to get his car keys and head over to Tommy’s place, even if it was just to be annoying.

So that’s what he did.

****

A broken bottle laid on the ground by Tommy’s stretched out legs. He was settled in to the kitchen, back up against the cabinets. Tommy stared at the glass and amber liquid, holding the fresh bottle loosely in one hand. Tommy wanted to get up, wanted to clean up the glass and get a bottle of water. He wanted to call one of the guys and see if they were busy, or just go out. But that little monster in his brain, that one that told him that he would be replaced when they found a better drummer, told him not to. It told him keep his happy ass sitting there.

‘They wouldn’t care if you were gone.’ It told him. This monster had been growing louder for the past few months, and the Jack in his system didn’t help. ‘Vince thinks you’re an ass. Mick thinks you’re annoying. And Nikki, oh boy, Nikki thinks your pathetic.’

“S-stop…” Tommy whispered, wiping at his eyes. “Stop.”

‘You know it. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.’ The monsters voice sounded just like his. ‘You tell yourself that they’re your family, that you love them, but they will never love you. Especially him.’

“Shut up!” Tommy screamed, throwing the full bottle of Jack. Whiskey flew across the floor, leaving a train before the bottle hit the wall and shattered. “Fuck!” Tommy cried out. He pushed himself up off the floor on shaky legs. He wanted to call someone and ask for help, but instead, he ripped open the drawer that held the knives. Sliding back down to the floor, he stared at the shiny blade in his hand.

‘The only way you’ll be famous is when the headline breaks tomorrow morning.’ The voice told him. ‘People only love you when you’re dead.’

Tommy’s hands were shaking as he placed the knife against his left arm. He wondered if they would come looking for him on Tuesday, or if they would just send an ambulance or the police. Or, would it be a week, thinking he had just decided to be an ass and take a long holiday. Tommy took a deep breath to calm himself. Closing his eyes, he pressed the knife against his wrist and pulled.

****

Nikki parked in front of Tommy’s building and made his way in. They had exchanged keys awhile ago, because at the time, Tommy had some turtles and Nikki had a dog. But the girlfriend that left took the dog with her, and the turtles went to a nephew. But the keys stayed. So after knocking a couple times and not getting an answer, Nikki made his way into the house.

“T-Bone? You home?” Nikki called out. He could smell booze filling the small apartment. He heard the sound of a turntable needle scraping on the table. He looked over at the stereo system Tommy had set up. He put the needle back into the cradle, looking at the album that was on it. Shout at the Devil. Nikki smiled a little, thinking back on old times. He headed towards the kitchen.

“Tommy? You here?” Nikki asked. The smell of whiskey was stronger in this room. He looked down to see a puddle of it with broken glass. Frowning, Nikki looked up.

And that’s when he swore his heart stopped.

“TOMMY!” Nikki screamed, not even realizing he had done it until the words left his mouth. Tommy was slumped to the side, knife resting in his lax hand. His eyes were closed, and there was red, so much red. Nikki ran to him. “Tommy! Tommy come on man, wake up!” He patted Tommy’s tear stained cheeks.

His hands made their way down to Tommy’s neck. He could feel soft breaths coming from his lips and his pulse was there. Sluggish and dying, but it was there. Nikki grabbed a towel from the cabinet door and wrapped his left wrist, before throwing open drawers to find another to put around his right one. Tommy whimpered a little and opened his glazed over eyes.

“Tommy, you gotta stay with me okay?” Nikki said. “I need to get an ambulance here. You’re not allowed to go anywhere though.”

“Nik?” Tommy asked, confused. “‘M dead.”

“Hell no you’re not.” Nikki shook his head and ran to grab Tommy’s landline, dialing 911 and talking a mile a minute to the operator on the other end. When Nikki heard the sound of sirens getting close, he hung up the phone and turned his attention to Tommy. “Tommy, look at me, okay? You’re going to be okay.”

“Don’t wanna…” Tommy whispered. “Love you Nik.” With a small smirk, Tommy’s eyes rolled back in his head and he fell forward against the bassist.

“Tommy?” Nikki asked, shaking him. “T-Bone, come on man. Wake up.” Tommy’s head lulled from side to side. “Tommy!”

****

Nikki sat in the hallway of the hospital, his head in his hands as he focused on his breathing. They hadn’t let him in the ambulance with Tommy. Instead, he had sped behind it in his car, hoping for the love of god that no one would cut him off. When he got to the hospital, he gave vague messages to Vince and Mick’s answering machines, and he filled out the paperwork the best he could.

And by that, he knew Tommy’s medical history like the back of his hand, from his broken arm when he was six, to the broken nose when he was in high school, all the way up to any intolerances he had for medications. Tommy might not have thought that Nikki was listening when he told him everything, but he was.

He looked down at his hands after a bit. They were covered in dried blood. Tommy’s blood. If he hadn’t listened to his gut, if he had went to shower instead, he wouldn’t be sitting in a hospital right now. Instead, he’d be getting a phone call a couple days later saying his best friend, his Tommy, was gone.

“Nikki!” He heard Vince’s voice call out. Nikki looked up to see the singer making his way to him. “What’s going on? I just heard Tommy, hospital, and...is that blood?” Vince stared at Nikki’s hands. Nikki looked up at him, and just slowly nodded. “What the hell happened?”

“Tommy...he…” Nikki whispered. Mick came in then, looking around.

“What happened?” He asked. Nikki broke down then. That was enough for Mick and Vince. They were able to put together the pieces. They didn’t know the details, but they knew enough. So they set by the bassist and waited. Vince had fallen asleep, with his head resting on Mick’s shoulder. Nikki was up, pacing.

“Family of Tommy Lee?” A doctor said. Mick woke up Vince as Nikki turned to the doctor. He made out a few words that the doctor was telling them. Emotionally unstable, blood transfusions, things like that. But the important thing Nikki wanted to hear was if he could see the drummer soon.

They were told that only one at a time until Tommy woke up, and that they would have to follow visiting hours, but Mick and Vince each slipped the doctor a fifty to work things out so that one of them could stay. And by one of them, they knew it would be Nikki.

“Tommy,” Nikki whispered, watching the drummer. His fingers grazed over the white bandages wrapped around his arms. “I’m so sorry man. We’ll make things better though. I promise.”

****

Tommy’s body felt heavy as he started to come to. Blinking a few times, the first thing he saw was light. As his vision started to clear, he saw it was a fluorescent light. He hadn’t pictured Heaven to have office lighting. Maybe he was in Hell? He tried to sit up, but his head spun and he just laid back with a groan. He heard the sound of a chair scraping the floor and a worried face came into his view.

“Oh thank god.” Nikki whispered, cupping Tommy’s face. “I thought I lost you man.”

“Nikki?” Tommy asked, confused. “Where am I?” He cringed at his sore throat.

“Hospital.” Nikki told him. “A nurse is on her way to check you over okay.” Nikki ran a hand down his face. “You know, if you wanted to look at cute girls in nurse outfits, you could’ve just said something.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Tommy just frowned, until he looked down at his wrists and it all came back to him.

Tommy didn’t talk again until he was examined and given some water. He sipped through the straw, trying to find something to stare at so he couldn’t look over and see Nikki’s disappointed eyes. He couldn’t handle that.

“I’m sorry.” Tommy finally said, so low that he wasn’t even sure if he had actually said it or not. Nikki was closer to him in an instant, gently turning his head so that his brown eyes locked with Nikki’s green ones.

“What was going through that head of yours Tommy?” Nikki asked. Tommy didn’t want to say it, but he knew he had to let it out.

“You all are moving on,” Tommy whispered. “You guys are all living lives and having a good time, and I’m stuck behind.”

“Tommy…” Nikki said softly.

“I can’t find anything that makes me feel like my happy self anymore. The closest thing is when I look at you and…” Tommy trailed off. Nikki thought back to the apartment, to right before Tommy had passed out and the paramedics had come to save the day. “I love you Nikki…” Tommy admitted.

“T-Bone.” Nikki whispered. Tommy was about to tell him he could leave, that he didn’t have to stay. But instead, Nikki cut him off by sealing his lips over Tommy’s. It wasn’t a hard kiss, but it was enough to let the other one know everything they had wanted to say for so long. Finally, they broke apart.

“When you get out of here, we’ll go and talk. Really talk.” Nikki told him. “Because I love you too Tommy. And when I thought you were gone, I was wondering how long it would take for me to be right behind you.”

“I…” Tommy just sighed. Nikki brushed his hair out of his face.

“You need your rest,” Nikki told him. “And I need to get someone over to your place to clean everything up. Unless, you’d rather come stay with me for awhile…”

“I think I’d feel safer staying with you,” Tommy told him. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I minded.” Nikki laughed a little. He placed another gentle kiss on Tommy’s lips. “I would feel safer if you were with me.” He felt his heart do flips as he saw Tommy smile, actually smile, for the first time in a long time.

He knew Tommy had a lot of things to work out. He had his own things he had to work through, but he knew that they could do it, as long as they had each others backs.


End file.
